Trauma-Informed Stress Management for Mothers

Stress and burnout are common struggles for mothers whether they work in the home or outside of the home. Trying to balance fun, parenting, self-care, a job outside of the home, the relationship with your partner, and home improvement projects can feel exhausting.

But what if the relentless pressure to "do it all" isn't just about managing your schedule? Often, it’s rooted in deeper patterns tied to trauma and unprocessed experiences from childhood.

In this article, we’ll explore the connection between past trauma and present-day stress, how it impacts motherhood, and practical, trauma-informed strategies to manage stress, avoid burnout, and build a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Understanding the Connection Between Trauma and Stress in Motherhood

• What is trauma-informed stress management?

Trauma-informed stress management is a holistic approach that recognizes how past experiences, particularly trauma, influence how we perceive and respond to stress in the present. Traditional stress management focuses primarily on physical techniques—like deep breathing or time management—while trauma-informed care addresses the emotional and psychological patterns that shape our stress response.

For moms, this means understanding that the chronic pressure you feel to be perfect, never ask for help, or constantly prove your worth may not just be a response to your current situation. It might be a survival strategy you learned long ago. Trauma wires our nervous system to anticipate danger, making it harder to calm down, trust others, or feel safe in moments of rest.

Past experiences might include growing up with emotionally unavailable caregivers or parents who had extreme forms of punishment. These experiences affect how we respond to stress and trauma can condition our nervous system to stay in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, making it harder to rest, trust, and feel safe.

• Signs that trauma may be influencing your stress response:

  • Chronic perfectionism

  • Fear of failure or not meeting expectations

  • Difficulty asking for help or setting boundaries

  • Emotional overwhelm and exhaustion

  • Difficulty resting even when the workday ends. Your mind keeps racing.

  • Over-functioning

    
    

Why Moms Are at Higher Risk for Burnout

• The Mental Load and Emotional Labor

While dads experience stress in modern parenting too, mothers experience a disproportionate level of “mental load.” Mental load is defined as the thinking, planning, organizing, and executing of tasks needed to run the household. It isn’t just the completion of a task that increases the mental load, but the constant thinking required to ensure it is all done and nothing is forgotten.

When combined with unresolved trauma, it can feel impossible to get a break, even when help is available.

• Cultural Expectations and the Supermom Myth

Despite internal expectations experienced by moms - perfectionism, “super mom”, “best mom” - mothers often experience cultural expectations that increase stress and burnout.

How many times have you looked at “Pinterest perfect home” and felt bad you have toys lying on the floor? The images we see daily influence the belief systems we hold about ourselves, other people, and the world. Do other moms really have it this put together? In reality, the answer is no.

But how do you get to a place where these high standards are not the expectation? Let’s review strategies to lower stress as a mother.

Trauma-Informed Strategies for Managing Stress and Preventing Burnout

• Regulate Your Nervous System

Painful past experiences cause the nervous system to become hyperactive. Utilize breathwork, grounding exercises, and mindfulness to reset the fight-or-flight response and feel calmer.

Example: Try breathing in for a count of 4 and breathing out for a count of 4 to calm your body when feeling overwhelmed.

• Rebuild Trust with Your Body

Trauma disconnects us from our bodies. Why? Because past experiences have taught us that feeling emotions is unsafe. Gentle movements like yoga or walking helps rebuild that connection and signals safety. Bonus tip: Make the body movement a mindful activity by using all of your senses.

• Set Realistic Boundaries

Learn to say no and recognize that your worth isn’t tied to how much you do for others. It’s a simple concept and hard to execute. Start by saying “no” to easier requests and work your way up.

• Embrace Self-Compassion

If you spend 2 minutes identifying the thoughts about yourself, what would you find? Judgement? Harsh criticism? Addressing stress or trauma involves self-kindness, especially in perceived moments of failure or imperfection.

Use affirmations that shift internal dialogue from critical to compassionate: "I am enough. I am allowed to rest."

• Seek Support

Yes. We all know “it takes a village”, yet perfectionism and self-judgment may keep us from building a support system. Therapy, coaching, or joining a supportive community can help unravel long-held beliefs and offer new tools for stress management that block your ability to make progress.

How to Model Healthy Stress Management for Your Kids

Healing your nervous system benefits you as well as your kids. Emotion regulation and social management techniques needed to heal trauma and stress help break generational cycles. Quick to yell at your kids? Do you shut down and become distant and quiet? These patterns are often learned from primary caregivers and condition the way we show up as adults. Becoming aware of stress triggers and healthy coping mechanisms allows for growth and change that make parenting easier.

Is it a goal to teach your kids how to manage emotions and handle challenges? Bring them along for the journey! As you practice some of these mindful parenting strategies already discussed, have your kids join you in the skills.

Example: You feel the urge to yell because you fear you are going to be late. Instead, say “I notice I am feeling anxious right now. That’s okay. I’m going to breathe. Let’s breathe together!”

Conclusion

Stress and burnout don’t have to define your experience as a mom. By understanding how past trauma shapes your current patterns and adopting trauma-informed practices, you can reclaim your time, energy, and peace. It’s not about striving for perfection—it’s about giving yourself permission to rest, breathe, and find joy in the small moments of motherhood.

Remember: Healing is a journey, not a destination. You deserve care just as much as the people you care for.

Interested in reducing stress and building healthy connections?

Schedule a free consultation to discuss if therapy or coaching is right for you.

Visit Lynsey Retzlaff Wellness to get started.

Lynsey Retzlaff, MSW, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist, coach for professional working moms, and mental wellness speaker. As a mother of two and a seasoned therapist with over 13 years of experience in the mental health field, Lynsey is passionate about empowering high-achieving women to achieve clarity, confidence, and calm in their personal and professional lives.

Through her signature program, The RENEWED Working Mom Narrative™, Lynsey helps professional working moms reduce stress, reclaim joy, and create work-life harmony. She equips women with the tools to rewrite their stories, align with their values, and thrive in every role they hold.

Inspired by her work at one of the nation’s leading evidence-based trauma residential programs, she offers trauma therapy for women across Wisconsin so they can reduce shame and anxiety and rebuild self-confidence. In her private practice, Lynsey provides compassionate, transformative care that addresses both emotional wounds and inner strength.

As a result of renewing her own life, Lynsey partners with organizations to provide burnout training for employees, foster emotional intelligence, and promote empathetic leadership through a trauma-informed lens. Her mental health services for employees and leaders focus on retaining talent, improving workplace culture, and enhancing overall connection by addressing the human element behind success. Lynsey believes personal or business goals can only be achieved with mentally healthy individuals and safe environments. 

Lynsey has been featured in Parents, Parade, Authority, Home & Gardens, and Canvas Rebel magazines and her insights can be heard on multiple podcasts.